Hey giant-slayers,

I wanted to extend my apologies to our supporters.

The second half of 2010 has been really crazy, but I hope to be able to post more frequently as I am now getting settled in my new city.

Michael is physically unable to post, hopefully our blog gets clearance.

Thanks for stickin around.

-Jade

it was hard, but i am strong.

"THEREFORE I DO NOT RUN LIKE A MAN RUNNING AIMLESSLY; I DO NOT FIGHT LIKE A MAN BEATING THE AIR. NO I BEAT MY BODY AND MAKE IT MY SLAVE SO THAT AFTER I HAVE PREACHED TO OTHERS, I MYSELF WILL NOT BE DISQUALIFIED FOR THE PRIZE."
-1 CORINTHIANS 9: 25-27

Once upon a time, in the middle of a chapel in Nowhere, Tennessee, a man told us to close our eyes and think about our favorite food, and our most loved people, and our deepest and most secret desires. He told us that this is our heart, and that is who we truly are, and to always stay in that place if we can. I think this was the beginning.

Similarly, about nine months later, I was sitting in a pizza parlor in the middle of Nowhere, Tennessee with a very good friend of mine who shall remain nameless. All of our friends were at the bar, dancing and getting drunk on tired things, but we were alone, and I was quiet and he was talking to me. "I know what's wrong with you," he said. "You want to be happy but you're going about it in the wrong way. You have no self confidence and this is sad because you have every reason to be confident. You need to spend quiet time alone. Just you, and God." This may also be looked at, as the beginning.

For my whole life, I have been walking around with a quiet grief inside, as if I have just buried a dear friend, or witnessed a horrible crime. It is because I wanted to receive pure love, but was unable to give it that my heart had hardened so much. And, so I set out on a mission to not only know Christ, but to become one with him. I wanted to put a leash on Love, and call it my own. I wanted to defend Love by name, identify it in a Crowd, smile assuredly when good impostors tried to take its place. I did not seek love ferociously, as I intended to receive the way I sought. I decided that I would not attack Life, nor defend myself from its lashings, but instead find the most vulnerable pieces of soul I had left and offer those up to the Heavenly God.
I did not want to be strong in the way the world is strong, I wanted to admit just how weak I was before the jury, and allow God to give me his personal defense.
I knew that I did not want a mortal love etched onto my face, tattooed onto my soul, as I understood that they would not last. I wasn't running away at all, I believed that everything was round, I was just trying to find a better way to come back.

I was so sure I could not miss a thing.

This love that I have looked for, this love that I have found, is unfamiliar, but very sure. It is not what I feel when kissing a boyfriend, although that experience has a shred of dignity because of this pure thing. I think that it is because I can't hold on to it, that I can't deny it. It's there, even in my waking hours, even when I am in school, or teaching, or eating, it never moves or changes, because it is not meant to be possessed. I believe that is meant to exist only when we are in our best forms, only in our dreams. The way you trust that the sun will not fall out of the sky, or that the mountains will not dissolve into dust, this is how love is. This is how God created love.

And in my dreams, in my meditations on the crucifixion, in my quiet mind, in my serious prayers, all else seethes away. Twenty years from now, I will still be waking from sweet sleep, marveling at the absence of these nightmares, thinking that if were not for Love, I would still be having them.

And all is infinite in You--
Forever Yours,
J.A.H.M.

Holding On

At the beginning of the summer, I was working late and night and God brought back to my remembrance ( it had to be Him cuz there was no way I could've thought of this) this story I heard of raccons.

Basically to trap a racoon, you put some silver in the trap and it'll hold on and won't let go..eventually starving itself. All it has to do is to let go and get free but it's so fixated on the silver, it'll continue to hold on, stunting its ability to do more, to grow, to get to next level. And leads to its death.

God told me that I'm basically that raccoon at times.

That I'm holding on to a couple of things that have me chained and trapped but because they are shiny and look good, it's hard for me to let go. But it wasn't all doom and gloom, because He also said that if I let go then I am free to get blessings greater than that which I'm holding on to.

Fam, Whatever you're holding on to, just let go. That easy. And Watch God move.

(I'm working on this myself.)

Jesus' 2 Twitter Posts

1. Deny Yourself. Take Up Your Cross.

2. Love everyone, including Me

BET Awards

Like most of our peers, I spent 3 hours of my life watching the BET awards and had the following thoughts:

1. 1 John 2:16-17 states that, " For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever." and that to me was exactly what the BET awards were. A flesh fest. That is fading away. Only the things of God are forever. I'll say it again. 1 John 2:16-17 was about the BET awards and the celebration/worship of self-pleasure and enjoyment. It was fake. It was temporal. A house built on sand or on the principles of this world, can't stand.

2. When Trey Songz thanked, "his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" I questioned out loud, how can he do that? Then I realized that I do the same thing at times, while jamming to his songs like "Neighbors Know My Name" "Invented Sex" (and the remix) and "Say Ah." Trust, that conviction didn't feel good because I realize that I'm just as culpable as he is by consuming his music. If people like me didn't like it, he wouldn't produce it. So if I can thank Jesus, so can he. I have to do better, before I expect the same of somebody else basically.

3. I spent more time watching this show with blatant Anti-Christ messaging than I did reading my Bible this week. Def. not ok, where are my priorities? The sad thing is, most people spent more time watching this than they did reading their Bible in the past month. Think about it, when have you ever spent 3 hours in worship? in prayer for someone other than yourself? in fasting? in the Word? on your face before God?

4. If we worshiped God like we worshiped our celebs...revival will hit our nation and our communities like never before. Seriously. If we LOVED God like we LOVE hip-hop artists...we would move heaven to heal our land.

then I recall, I'm twenty feet tall.

I keeo on writing and rewriting this intro paragraph but I can't come up with anything that accurately describes how I feel so just trust This:

:o).............!............ (Peace.)

1. Don't judge anyone, not even the person who does the craziest/strangest/most malicious things to you.... Just try to understand them.

2. Be easy.

3. Someones words can be speaking Life unto you, but their actions can be killing you. Figure out which matters more, No judgement.

4. Manipulate people and expect to be manipulated. Don't manipulate people and still expect for people to try and manipulate you. But when you're not manipulating, you can see the manipulation, and you can choose whether or not you want to be manipulated.

5. Everyone knows what they will and will not do but until you're in the situation you never really know.

6. No matter what, God still has your back.

7. You might have all the answers but you still have to take the test.

8. Last but not least, find strength in you. Learn how to hug yourself when you wanna be hugged, kiss yourself when you wanna be kissed, and tell yourself Good Job, I love you when that's what you wanna hear. Learn yourself, know yourself, and do not ever lie to yourself, because at the end of the day, nobody is going to look out for you like you will look out for you will.

We Must Praise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy67pI62-2s

Newflash: It's hard to be young and Christian. Really hard. Especially if you're not "wierd" lol and have a little bit of swag...it's a grind...it's that #Christstarlifestyle

These past 2 weeks have been trying mentally as I prepare to give a sermon at school (YIKES!) this Sunday and one at home the Sunday after...I love speaking...but I don't enjoy preaching...well I like seeing lives changed and transformed and see the power of God at work...but the lead up to it is just awful for the kid..I get depressed if I do anything slightly un-Christian, I look for ways to disqualify myself....just a whole lot of mental games to condemn myself . Trust, not fun. Even now as I write this. Not fun.

BUT I realized that's real self-centered..cuz true I have a standard to live by and need to set an example with the platform the pulpit gives but at the same time my shortcomings are not bigger than Christ or the message of the cross.

I'm writing this post and with the song (please listen) because a lot of us are sitting on gifts and talents and ministry that God wants to birth because we don't feel good enough ( imma post on that one more fully soon) but No matter who or what we are...we MUST praise.

So Be Bold and of Good Courage. In the words of the pslamist Wacka Flocka Flames, Praise "Oh Let's Do It."

It's needed.

What We Are Supposed To Be Doing Now

Hosea 10:12 (New International Version)

¹² Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you

Thoughts?

Fellowship of the Unashamed (An African Martyr's Last Words.)

I am apart of the "Fellowship of the Unashamed." The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure.

I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, cheap giving and dwarfed goals.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear.

I won't give up, back up, let up or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ, I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be blear. "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ" (Romans 1:16.)

Let me touch you, and see if you are real.

I think I wanted to write something these past few weeks, but in writing, I would have to force the truth away from my peripheral. I don't think I've been doing anything blog worthy, or doing anything that anyone would want to write about, because I've been pretty much doing nothing. My interest in my city, my school, and my job has all but disappeared, and I wanted to write something that would inspire everyone, but this won't be that type of post.

Is it more important that people admire us or that they know the truth about us? I think that it's human nature to present the most faultless image possible to those around us. If we acknowledge our personal character flaws at all, we speak about them in very vague terms, so that no one knows exactly what our struggle is. If I told you that I did absolutely nothing productive today, skipped class, read message boards and watched the new Beyonce video all day, would that change how you felt about me? If I told you that I sent dirty pictures to someone I dated, would you think less of me? If I told you my credit card was dangerously close to its limit, would you not like me as much?

Our secrets are safe havens from reality, but it is our secrets that create self-loathing, and it's our self-loathing that chains us to sin. The human psyche is crazy, and the more we hide the disgusting, dark secrets shoved into the corners of our souls, the more we begin to believe that they don't exist. This is fine and dandy in the daytime when we're surrounded by the business of life, but when we come home to only ourselves, the sin seeps out, and we're confronted with the ugliness of our nature. We look in the mirror and we realize that we're lying. 

I'm learning that Brutal honesty is what saves relationships, the most important relationship of all being with our Heavenly Father. G-d knows all things, but it is our acknowledgement of our wrongdoing and pure desire to want better that sets us free. The Word states explicitly that we are to"Confess therefore your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed." (James 5:16) There is power in confession. There is freedom in power. Grace and Peace unto Everyone this week. Let's vow to tell the truth to each other. If you can't tell anyone around you, send them to someone whose listening.... Us at giantslayersblog@gmail.com , anonymous or un-anonymous. We're just praying for your healing man, as you must pray for ours. Let's all get free.

One Thing That I've Desired...

Watch this clip fam, it goes in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-0lfRz4shw

Psalms 27 (read it) has jus been in me the past couple of days...from the songs I've been listening to (One Thing by Marvin Sapp, Chasing After You by Tye Tribbett) to what I've been readin..

I'm convinced, really am, that as we seek His face and not His hand...God's going to move...I just know it.

How do you seek ? IDK how to tell you...but did you have to be taught how to seek after your boyfriend/girlfriend? money? success?

If you're really hungry for something and looking for something...You'll teach yourself how to seek :) lol

Listening In

Fam,

I'm on the first day of a week long fast from secular music..and already God is speaking...it's amazing what He has to say when we just cut out the static and listen. I spent a legit 5 hours today talking about positive stuff with other people- When does that happen?!

The best part was that 3 hours of it was talking about how to change culture and the existence of God in our life stories...Powerful. We also came to the conclusion that because Christians haven't been doing their job that God's name is profane, and almost a bad word ( blog post forthcoming on that point) and that to reach our generation we can't use the traditional conception of God....We have to show them God in the midst of their absent fathers, broken families, drug addictions, gang culture, etc. etc...and to stop limiting who God is, what God cna do, and where He can be ...based soley on our religious experience and rituals.

What was the most powerful for me was that other peers didn't realize it but they motivated and inspired me to continue to speak truth to power. I truly believe God used them to speak to me and to tell me to not get weary in well doing, to remember all that He has brought me from, and to realize exactly what my purpose is.

Finally, the most salient part of the conversation was the distinction we made between a good idea and a God idea..we recognized that we see God in the midst...when things we didn't concieve come to happen or things that weren't our original plan..and he orders them so well....

There was a bunch more but i need to go to bed :)

Wow, all in Day 1 of my worldly music fast.

I said all this to say that:

I really believe that God has something to say in this hour, especially those of us transitioning into new phases. He has a word that would put everything in focus and perspective ...

We just gotta quiet ourselves, be open to new experiences, and listennnnnnnn.

Part 1 of the Performing the World series, created and filmed by the Giant-Slayers' sister-in-Christ, Andrea Chicas (twitter.com/drezchicas)

Destiny is a feeling you have that you know something about yourself nobody else does. The picture you have in your own mind of what you're about will come true. It's a kind of a thing you kind of have to keep to your own self, because it's a fragile feeling, and you put it out there, then someone will kill it. It's best to keep that all inside."

-Bob Dylan

Dear Lord, 

Please don't let me spend the rest of my life like I did last night, looking out windows and wishing I was somewhere else.

Amen

Calling my name

Listen to this track fam:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eMRyv7Hnzo&feature=related

I can't speak for everyone or everybody, but even now I still have some Jonah tendancies (I've gotten a lot better though). He says speak here, I decline, He says go left and I go right...but He still doesn't get tired of me and continues to call my name...when I fall and sin..He still calls my name...I'm only saved because He lifted me out the muck and mire, saw the treasure in my trash, and called my name...When I didn't even know HIS! Woah, Woah, Wow. That's not an excuse for me to sin, but an acknowledgement of His love...the love that caused Him to die for me..while I was yet lost, the love that caused him to call my name when I hated him, the love that causes Him to call my name even when I act like I forgot His.

Can anyone else relate?

Here are the lyrics:

How many times do I go against Your will
then You forgive me
but yet I still turn around and do the things
the things I shouldn't do
cuz I belong to You
and I know You will come through
Lord I know I take advantage of Your grace
here in this christian race
but yet I still hear You calling my name

solo:
how many times would it take for me to learn
that it's only in Your will that I'll ever earn
I'll ever earn my life's reward
the honor due to me
life eternally riches in glory
Lord I know I know I don't belong
with You cuz I've done wrong
oh oh but yet I still hear You calling my name
yeah
How many times do I go against Your will
then You forgive me
but yet I still turn around and do the things
the things I shouldn't do
cuz I belong to You
and I know You will come through
Lord I know I take advantage of Your grace
here in this christian race
but yet I still hear You calling my name

chorus:
You're calling my name to come into Your arms
to be safe from fear and harm
knowing this but I still choose to go my way
then You still say, You say that I am He
who will supply your every need
oh Lord I've sinned but You're still calling my name
3x's

oh Lord I've sinned but You're still calling my name
4x's